Bookshelf Headboards

My 4 year old Daughter is driving me crazy!?

I am at my wits end! I have 3 children 2 years, 4 years and 6 years. My two boys are 2 and 6 and im not saying they are perfect, but they are much better than my 4 year old daughter. I fight with her ALL day.. To clean her room, take a nap, just about anything I ask her to do I have to fight with her over! She destroys everything in my house, I've tried letting her lay in my bed for a nap, thinking that would encourage her to be a big girl, she destroyed everything in my jewlery box. and threw powder all over my room. I've tried laying her down in her own room and she destroys that as well, not just the normal usual toys every where. She broke the bookshelf headboard of her bed into pieces, managed to get ahold of food coloring and make circles of red blue and yellow all over her floor and walls. She gets up at night and gets into the kitchen and eats and drinks anything thats there, ie coffee creamer, cookies, juice.. anything thats in there. Just this morning I was getting my 6 year old dressed for school and she was in the Kitchen putting a combination of butter, salt and peper all over my floors. When I yell at her, she tells me I dont love her. And im starting to think that she thinks that, becasue of all the distructivness I am always yelling at her. But every single day its something else. When her father is here she is not like that. Her dad is in the Army, He is deployed right now for the third time. I know some of you will say this is her way of lashing out cause she misses her father, which your probably right, but HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?! She gets plenty of outside time. At 1 we walk to the park till 3 then go up to the school and pick up her brother, its usually outside in the back yard until dinner, then baths, prayers and bed.. Please help!! I do set aside for mommy and daughter time. She is a middle child, but also the only girl, so she gets "girl" attention above the boys. I've tried taking her toys, time out, corner, just about everything I dont make her nap all the time, if she has quiet time that is fine by me. I've locked the fridge and cupboards.. she figures those out 10 seconds after they are done. Doing nothing about her destroying things.. and just throwing it away suggests she will never recieve anything again .. how do i pull that off..

Public Comments

1. Does daddy spoil her when he's home? We have a 5 year old daughter who is daddy's princess - and she acts out sometimes when my husband is at work or away on business. She does it because she wants the attention that he gives her - and I don't spoil her. We have a 6 1/2 year old son who doesn't act out like she does (and also a 4 month old daughter). You have to be consistent with your punishment. Try to stay calm when you do it - yelling at her will just make her yell even more. Say "you are going to sit in this chair for ten minutes because you made a mess of your room" if she doesn't do it, make her do it again and again and again until she gives in. It's tough - but it'll be worth it once she starts to behave. Best of luck.
2. Well stop fighting with her,by arguing you are giving her control.Be the parent tell her to do something and make sure she does,if not punish her,either by time out standing in a corner or a good old fashioned spanking! Kids today are rotten because they are allowed to be they need a good firm hand and rules.Kids must not get away with destroying anything,they MUST know there are consequences and the world does not center around them or what they want or think. Make sure your husband also backs you up.No treats,no toys,no tv till she stops acting like a crazy person. No excuses and good luck!
3. Have you tried taking her to a child psychologist? This sounds like a serious behavioral problem that needs to be addressed by a professional. I am not trying to avoid answering the question by telling you to take your daughter to the doctor, I know lots of people do that, but it sounds like you really do need some help. She may be depressed, depression in young children often looks like that, with the destructive and general misbehavior. She may also be jealous. I asked my younger sister (the middle child for a while) and she said that she was always jealous of me (the oldest) and our younger brother because we would get all the attention and she wouldn't. Is there a time that you just spend with her, without the boys? This could just be a bid for your attention. At that age they just want attention, positive or negative. When she is misbehaving you are focused 100% on her. Now I am not by any means a professional, but this is my opinion based on my 3/4 of a degree in child psychology.
4. I went through this with my son about 6 months ago. One memorable day he went through the house with a pair of scissors and managed to destroy an impressive amount of stuff before I caught him. I don't know how we survived either, and he still does things every once in a while, but it was a faze. I know it may not seem like it, but if you can make it through without losing your mind, she'll eventually grow out of it. She is old enough to listen to reason. I told my son that every time he ruined something of mine, I got something of his. That worked surprisingly well. He got to feel what it was like to lose something (like how I felt when my cell phone charger was cut into 10 pieces), and I think that got through to him. I would keep it for a couple of days, and then offer him a chance to earn it back. I think it's important to have a consistent discipline in mind every time she acts out. For example, every time he acted out, he had to sit in time out for 4 minutes. You need to find what works for you. When she tells you that you don't love her, don't respond immediately. After she has calmed down, find a quiet place to talk about how much she means to you, and how much it hurts when she says those things. She only says them at that moment to keep the power struggle on her side. I hope you figure it out soon, don't forget, with discipline and love she will grow out of this, and you'll be able to look back at it and wonder how you survived! Good luck!
5. I completely agree with Dixie58 the child doesn't need to be stuck in a dr's office asking why she does things. Take control punish her when she doesn't listen and reward her when she does. You will find the little things make the difference. Sometimes you have to set aside specail time for each kid. But stay strong and firm on your punishments but do not fight or yell with her. I went through the same thing with my now 6 yr old and just not got her under control believe I know all about getting up in the night being in my makeup, writing on the walls, let me tell you she even took food and stuffed it down our vents! YUCK!!!! Best of luck if you ever want to talk just email at nccountrygurl83@yahoo.com
6. First, talk with your child's doctor. Children generally need to be a bit older before a proper diagnosis can be made. But her doctor may be able to give you some suggestions. Ask him about "conduct disorder" or "oppositional defiant disorder". You can look them up on the internet. But don't "label" her beforehand. Second, there should be a contact within the military for you to call. Ask them to provide you with the name and number of a support group. It will help you to have other mothers to talk with. They may be experiencing the same issues with their child or children. My middle grand daughter is of a similar nature to your daughter; however, I have to admit she's not that destructive.
7. At 4, she is too old for a nap. That's her body's way of telling you that she's outgrown them if she's not sleeping during them. She may need an earlier bedtime, but she certainly won't need a nap, even if you do. Treat her messy behavior like you would a 10 month old's. Don't leave her unattended, and if you must, then everything is locked up. Butter, salt, and pepper should be in a locked cabinet. Put locks on all your kitchen cabinets. Don't leave anything out that she can't have. At night, put a potty in her room and gates at her door. She cannot be trusted to wander around the house at night. If she ruins the stuff in her room, so what? It's hers. If she ruins it, it gets thrown away. Soon enough, there won't be anything left and she won't be able to destroy anything.